Lippy's Occasional Guide to London Restaraunts -Faulkners

Faulkners Fish and Chip Restaurant
Kingsland Rd
E8

Faulkners "faultless" fish and chips were reccomended to me by a man what knows - and they are spot on, the cod fillet thick white fish, thinly battered, the chips fat and hot and well seasoned with salt and vinegar. No gravy or brown sauce here thank you very much. The mushy peas tasted great although slightly too green for the northern purist in me....but a slight disagreement on verdigree spectrum is not enough to detract from, for me, perfection!

You have to brave the wilds of Hackney but the 242, 243 and 149 buses all stop conveniently close by.

10,000 Brummies can't be wrong!

The AB and me are off for a girlie week in London - she is coming to laugh at me recording voice overs and then we are doing eating, shopping, and cultural stuff - well the British Museum, Mary Poppins and a backstage tour of the Royal Opera House. The TB is off staying in a golf club in deepest Suffolk so don't go feeling sorry for him.

Anyway given that I'm away for a week there are a number of things I'd like to tell you about/Ask your opinion on.

1. Jordan/Kerry Katona - this is my theory. Kerry Katona is broke and hitched to a no name waster. Her mate Jordan is worried about her and they therefore concoct a fictitious argument to keep Kerry in OK mag and the pay cheques coming..discuss.
And yes before you ask, we read all the gossip mags, Heat,OK, Hello. They go around the office on the same circulation list as The Solicitor's Journal and the Estates Gazette.

2. Yesterday we had an afternoon out with the CCS (the Chav Cheering Section) for complex reasons the AB, TB and me were crammed in the NIA with 10,000 Brummies cheering on the live version of "Dancing On Ice". It was spectacular and Chris and Jane are certainly impressively dancing on into thier dotage - they must have a combined age of over 90! But way to make money - 2 shows, 10,000 in each £44 a ticket , that's a million a day! I'd come out of retirement for that.

The audience was largley comprised of the fat, chav and bewildered and most of them had brought their Gran as well. But apart from the TB muttering "I've stopped believing in evolution as of now!" it was a good afternoon. Although a particular high spot was on they way out of the car park- when a small, round stripy child nipped out of the back of the Corsa which was in front of us in the queue and pulled a take away pizza box out of the boot. obviously cold pizza in the boot in case of nutritional emergency..now why didn't I think of that?

Scary statistics

There have been almost 1000 hits on this blog since 11 Feb - even with my dodgy maths that means if Frobes, Beast and Tick visit once a day each then a number of other people have visited 900 times!

Who are you?

Ten things I'm showing no signs of growing out of.....

1. Working late = Portishead as soundtrack
2. Lindt chocolate animals, the sort that come in boxes.
3. Not drying my hair properly before I go out in the morning
4. Missing my best friends - move to Australia or Manila why don't you and leave me here all on my own.
5. Horses - now that's a phase that should have had it's day!
6. Tap Dancing Classes- ditto
7. Having to read all the books in a series - why is this???
8. Reading a novel a week - continuous habit since the age of 9!
9. Fancying Harrison Ford....shhh tell anyone and you are dead...and Sean Bean.
10.Taking tea weak and milky with sugar.


Honestly that's a 12 year old's list and I'll be 45 in the summer!

16 hour days

Sorry for very thin blog - just working stupid hours this week.
You see I have some leave over Easter (almost 3 weeks leave as it happens) and so before I go I have to;

square up all my files,
do holiday notes for them so that others can look after them properly in my absence, finish all my billing as it's the financial year end
and write the edit script for last week's shoot.

So far I've finished the bills and come in 10% over target - go me...not that I will get any sort of bonus for this you understand! And done about half the holiday notes.

AB has her tap exam today - so fingers crossed for that as well.

I am going to spend the next three weeks asleep aren't I? - this is a ridiculous job!

Family life

The TB is now working away in Cambs from Monday to Friday (until we catch up with him in July) and frankly he is not taking to bachelor status with the enthusiasm that I would have predicted.

Far from living in the cafe and going to the pub every night,he seems to be subsisting on soup and bananas and going to the gym every night - otherwise he says he ends up staying in the office until ten o'clock working because there isn't anything else to do. Sad git I here you say. But it is far harder to be in that place where you are relaxed and motivated when you are on your own.

I'm not excelling in the single mum stakes either - but at least I have the AB and the dog to keep me on track!! Although tonight, due to pressure of tap classes we are having breakfast for tea (egg,bacon, beans and tomato) because it's quick and fills you up.

Never Drunk Dial

Went to supper with our mates R &A last night and were fed like kings and drank like lords , with the result that I have a scary memory of going on line at 1am and booking two tickets for the Roskilde Festival near Copenhagen!

If I did manage it then I may have pulled a bit of an inadvertent blinder as the Chillies, the Killers, the Who and Bjork are all on the bill! Plus a day or so in Copenhagen - how cool!

Yours truly...dozy bint.

Enfield is very pretty! Forgive all the slanderous comments made in the previous post, the shoot took place in a delightful Georgian House in half an acre of grounds, and the only noise issue was the ducks quacking peacefully on the stream. It was damn cold though.


I am the dozy bint of the title, I forgot to pack my mobile phone charger, bit of a disastrous omission when the mobile is the only available means of communication. So I went to the Orange shop on Fleet St and they kindly upgraded the handset a month early and new handset = new charger. So I am now the owner of a new Nokia N70, a phone so complicated that it comes with its own instructional DVD. It was the "simplest" phone that the very nice man was able to find for me, and now I'm ploughing through the manual as I know I have a voice message and I have no idea how to retrieve it! It could be a long afternoon!

This dazzling life

I get all the glamorous jobs - you will have noticed from the content of this blog that this statement is a blatant lie.

In the spirit of all that is un-glamorous therefore for the next few days i am filming in the snow, in Enfield. The crew as usual will be gasping to go off to China with Damon Albarn or Ireland with Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber or frankly anywhere with Scarlett Johansen......and I will know without a doubt, that I am the boring job that pays the mortgage. Oh well, at least I'm efficient and make it as quick and painless for them as possible.

But Enfield.........in the snow! And staying in Hackney...

Testing Testing

*Those of a sensitive nature should avert their eyes now*

The ultrasound scan yesterday revealed that I have a cyst the size of a hen's egg where my left ovary should be, not clear and fluid filled but grey and full of apparently "old blood".

Cue more tests and probably an MRI scan to say if I need an operation - likley - and whether it's a slice and dice or key hole surgery.

Feel a bit bruised and stiff this morning and not really looking forward to more of the same.

Black Dog

Poor old Beast isn't very well. It's one of the cruel things about depression that very often an episode hits you in the spring just when everything is getting better.

I am impressed by first nation's approach of doing everything she likes when she sees the black dog approach. My problem is that at that point I can't remember what I like or even if there is anything in the world that I ever liked....

I know I've posted this before but it might bear repetition. One of the horrid things about a black phase is that you feel like such a tit for being depressed. Then what helps me is to compile a list of all the other people who have suffered and are patently not tits. Here's mine;

Churchill, Charles Dickens, JK Rowling, Stephen Fry, Beastie, Alistair Campbell, First Nations.

Feel free to add!

The Sound of the Suburbs

I decided to show off my curry chef credentials last night and cooked up a storm for the TB and some mates to celebrate the TB's birthday. Apart from one guy spending half an hour next door at the wrong party, before realising his mistake and making a hasty retreat taking his beer with him, it all went rather well.

The runner bean curry was as ever a triumph - it's a doddle, cook runner beans to taste, put to one side. In butter or ghee (better as it doesn't burn so easilly) cook cumin seed, black mustard seed and cumin powder for a couple of minutes. Elsewhere add a teaspoon of English mustard powder, a teaspoon of sugar, a teaspoon of salt and half a teaspoon of aesfoetida powder to half a tub of greek yoghurt and mix. Add the beans and the yoghurt mix to the pan with the mustard and cumin seeds in it and warm through. The only way this can go wrong is if you burn the butter or the seeds in step one so don't have the heat too high you only really need to warm them to release the flavours.

I am off chef duties today as it's mothers day - the pressie was a fluffy white bear who has yet to be named. I'm not a cuddly toys person but the AB very much is and it's her present so it reflects her and not me ...which is how it should be.

I fought the law and the law won!

Honestly I am really tired of the ongoing assumption that all lawyers are money grabbing crooks. OK to the debit side of the legal profession we have the Clintons and Tony and Cherie Blair. But in the credit column, Nelson Mandela and Ghandi not your average money grabbing crooks you must agree.

Anyway - while we are talking of the good guys, respect to these guys in Pakistan who have objected to the sacking by the government of a judge who was hot on human rights. Another reminder of why tyrants including the lovely Tone, hate independent professionals.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/6457019.stm

Character profiling.

I'm reading the late John Peel's autobiography, it's great i reccomend it highly.

In one of the early chapters he tells the story of how he was raped by a prefect when he was a school boy at Shrewsbury School. Years ago I worked for a partner in a law firm who was himself a prefect at said school at around the same time....and do you know what, i wouldn't be at all surprised.

25 Things About Lippy

1. I didn't go to law school until I was 29 (backward me!)

2. I can milk a cow and shear a sheep - would probably only manage the one sheep these days before my back gave out.

3. I am in denial that blue ink even exists - black is the ONLY colour in which to write.

4. I am on a "no bread, eat healthy" diet, so far I have lost 14 lbs and have another 16 to go, then I will weigh the same as Tyra Banks and that'll do.

5. I really really like latte coffee - it's one of the things I've forsaken under (4) it's hard.

6. I lived in Western Australia for a while in my 20's and absolutley loved it.

7. The Toy Boy is three years younger than me - should have taken his age rather than his surname when I married him it would have made more sense.

8. When I travel I just don't want to stop, but when I'm home and I've been working I can never work out how I managed to go anywhere at all and planning a trip seems really impossible.

9. Instead of writing this post I should be writing a script.

10. I don't understand football even slightly - I have been to one match ever in my life and was bored brainless.

11. Linghams Chilli Sauce is one of the small things that makes life worth living.

12. I don't drink spirits - don't like the taste.

13. My best friend is from Dehli and her mum taught me to be an ace curry chef.

14. I always have a paperback to read and a notebook to write in, in my handbag.

15. My house is very neat and tidy (sad anal retentive person)

16. I iron bed sheets, underwear and tea towels so they fold up tidily in drawers ( see above)

17. I make my own bread

18. I really like knitting and can't watch telly unless I am knitting.

19. Clearly 15- 18 mean I am a major saddo!

20. I went to my first rock concert aged 13 - Queen at Bingley Hall, Stafford.

21. I haven't been to Glastonbury - not not recently, ever......

22. Reading at the moment - Witch Hunt by Ian Rankin

23. All the boys in my family seem to migrate to Africa; brother in Madagascar, cousin in Uganda, uncles in Ghana.

24. I prefer Asia to Africa - just a personal preference, Asia always feels like the future today.

25. I have really small, really wide feet - duck feet apparently! One of the guys I shared a flat with at Uni had hands bigger than my feet, which I found freaky.

" Oh Stop Being Such A Nob!"

To parphrase a recent exchange in correspondence with another solicitor;

Them "Your witness statements were one day late in the post, we're going to ask the court to say you can't use them. Na na na na na, and you smell!"

Lippy " Yes they were a day late, very sorry. However there is no trial date in sight, the court will allow us to use them, perhaps with a small costs penalty as it is in the clear interests of justice that they should do so. Haven't you got enough work to do? Love and kisses Lippy."

Yes there are technical points to be taken in legal cases and yes they are important for the fair and expenditious disposal of the case. But there are also jobsworth nobs with no brains working in law firms all around the country sending out stupid pointless letters at their client's expense!

Fashion Trauma

I have now lost 16lbs on the diet since Christmas. And frankly chaps I am now a very odd shape. You see to put it bluntly all the weight has come off my bottom half, so i now have no arse and take size 12 jeans. My top half is still stubbornly a size 16. There are no clothes on this earth that fit this so called "figure".

I have two choices it seems. Carry on dieting to shrink the top half, or eat chocolate and grow my arse back.

I think for the sake of science I will go with option one just to see what happens.

I'll let you know!

Proper Nasty

I got a real proper poison pen letter in this morning's post. I suppose I should be flattered that someone is so scared of me acting for their opponent that they feel they have to write and warn me off. Although why telling my neighbours I'm a lesbian would be any sort of deterrent is a bit of a mystery..the fact that I have a husband and a child is clearly not conclusive but a 15 year lavender marriage, unless you are a Hollywood film star, it's a bit old hat these days surely.

The "we know where you live" and then putting in my address was scary though - so I have reported it to the police, and got an incident number. The local sarge is an old bf from school days ,

"you'll tell the court I'm not a lesbian won't you?"

"Well you weren't when I knew you when you were 19 but it all could have changed since then!"

The thing that has upset me most though (I know I shouldn't be upset but I am there it is) was the bit that said "Everyone knows you are crap in court, so why don't you just give up now" - although logically I suppose if I am well known for being that crap they could have saved themselves the price of a stamp!

Between radio stardom and ovaries that tried to explode without leaving my body I did none of the actual legal work last week at all!

Crap! This means that in just under an hour I will be faced with piles of tettering paper where once there was a desk. Whey faced assistants, who tried to call my mobile (we don't have any mobile phone coverage at our house, that's one of the reasons why we bought it) couldn't get hold of me and then panicked and did something really dumb and probably expensive. On the other hand I can try to be sanguine and just think, well they only have another 16 weeks to learn to live without me permanently....and for four of those sixteen i'm on holiday hurrah!

On the other hand I'm sort of hoping that some of the clients will leave the firm and come with me to pastures new - so hopefully they haven't pissed off anyone who has any money!

There are things to look forward to however...there are three weeks left to work in March and then in April, I have three weeks leave! How cool is that!

One wedding, two fights and a girl's night in.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/6436581.stm


There was a fight at Liz Hurley's wedding. Well of course, every wedding worth it's salt has to have a fight, one of the bridesmaid's crying in the toilets and someone being sick in the bushes behind the marquee. Otherwise you're not really married. The optional extras are, the page boys sitting under tables drinking beer and the best man and the ushers passing round a roach but not realising the bride's mother has spotted them.

My wedding? It was long ago, but my littlest bridesmaid was so nervous she was sick on the best man while we were still in church signing the register...happy days.

The of course there is the honeymoon. Can't top my friend K whose husband booked them a single room in the local hotel for the first night of their honeymoon. Whilst some chewing gum rep from Biggleswade was holed up in the bridal suite. He has never, ever been allowed to forget that one. The husband not the Wrigley's rep.

I am not sure that the best thing to do after being ill for a week is to go round your mate's house, sink a bottle of Chardonnay and put the world to rights. But I did it anyway and feel quite a lot better this morning!

Their knife in your glands!

Is it just me, or is it vaugley amusing that cosmetic surgeons in the UK are represented by an association for which the acronym is BAAPS*?



*British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons.

Those more interesting than ourselves

http://www.ala.org.uk/mod.php?mod=userpage&page_id=15

Given that my blog has been so spectacularly crap of late, I feel it incumbent upon me to introduce you to someone who is actually worth reading.

Follow the link to meet my friend Joanne, I should say my learned friend Joanne, who is as fascinating to talk to in person as she is to read.

Medical thing..

Erm not quite sure how to put this - collapsed at work yesterday, mega gut pain, couldn't walk, threw up. Got to go to hospital for "investigations" today - will keep you posted.

Baliffs

I'm on the radio today talking about baliffs so to summarise;

1. The general rule is before someone you owe money to can send a baliff around to your house to take stuff away he must have a judgement from the court for the debt and a baliff's warrant.

2. The exceptions are councils (for council tax arrears) and the courts themselves - ie where a fine has not been paid.

3. A baliff must be a certified private baliff or an officer of the court (a county court baliff or high court enforcement officer -used to be called sherrif's officers in the high court)

4. A baliff cannot force entry to your home

5. He cannot levy (technical word for taking possession) against goods which are either the tools of your trade or required for your reasonable domestic needs.

6.If you refuse to let the baliff in the debt goes up expodentially - one client was late paying a £50 fine refused to let the baliffs in four times and ended up with an £800 bill!

7. Landlord's of commercial premises can (at the moment - pending the provisions of the new courts and tribunals act - send a certified baliff to premises to levy distraint for arrears of rent.

That's it really!

Dancing on Ice

Now Lee Sharpe has been kicked off "Dancing On Ice" a my Saturday nights will be lacking a certain lustful frission! OK,OK, he wasn't the greatest footballer who ever lived AND he went on Celebrity Love Island - but good grief he's sexy, smile to die for or what!

It is amusing to know that millions are voting for Emily just to piss Jason off!!!

I have tickets for the tour - the AB is my excuse but it's me who wants to go really.

Auld Wrekie

In someways it's very odd to have the chronology of your life specified by geography as well. As I am on the brink of another move to another place I find myself thinking about the old places and one in particular.

1980 - 1984 : Edinburgh

As the University of Edinburgh frequently reminds me I am an alumnus and a life member of the general council of the University. At the time the University seemed to me to matter rather less than the fact of living in the city, drinking in Kays Bar and going to Murrayfield (didn't pay, mates dad had a debenture!). The day John Lennon got shot I was sitting eating my pie and beans in the Potterow bar wondering what the hell everyone was crying about. I was shocked when I left that the rest of my life wasn't immediatley that interesting and challenging. In an attempt to keep up the pace I promptly buggered off to Australia for two years but that's another story. Finally, 25 years after I went there I finally have a life that matches up, it took a bit of doing. Watching Richenbach Falls this week set me wondering, I haven't lived there for 23 years, haven't been back at all for the last 12 - could I even find my way around the place let alone recognise anything.

I think there has been a decision that we probably have to try! So flights to be booked, it's time for the AB to visit Scotland.

Chinese Horoscope

WATER TIGER Horoscope
Feb 8, 1902 to Jan 28, 1903
Feb 5, 1962 to Jan 24, 1963

Tiger people are sympathetic, kind, emotional, and sensitive. At movies, they can cry their eyes out! Despite their kindness, they can be extremely short-tempered. The rage of Tigers is terrible to behold but it also gives them the adrenaline needed for the sublimest of bravery. The Tiger is also a deep thinker and can make the most astonishing intellectual connections, with great mental agility. On the negative side, they tend to be suspicious and a bit self-centered, OK selfish, and indecisive. Above everything, however, the Tiger stands as a supreme emblem of protection over human life, admirable always.

Soup and Oolong Tea are among the keys to good health.( I knew there was a reason why the soup diet was working! ~ L)



Water Tigers do not go gently into the night. Full of intelligence bordering on genius, they imagine a beautiful world and know how to create it. Never liking to be alone, the gregarious Tigers surround themselves with loyal friends who lend their undying support. With such support, they can't help but prosper. A mercurial nature sometimes makes them antsy, impatient, and quarrelsome over little things. They do react very quickly, but also get over any ill feeling just as quickly. They are generally fair, humane, and quite reasonable in their dealings with people. They absolutely excel in the business world. Love for the Water Tiger is like a restless rogue, flitting about like a butterfly. You see, these Tigers are gypsies, always on the lookout for something better down the road, fickle to the core. Smart potential mates can catch them, however, and once this happens, Water Tigers are capable of experiencing the normal highs and lows of love.

Migraine

I hadn't had a migraine for ages. Then yesterday one turned up that had the full works, flashing lights, nausea, dizziness and of course searing pain. Nature's way of telling you to stop doing whatever it is you are doing perhaps, but surely there are more subtle methods?

Now it feels as if I have a hangover - but it's only maigraine hangover

Life with Lippy....

Listening to....Amy Winehouse; Stephen Fry reading the complete works of JK Rowling on a continuous loop. (The AB is 10)

Reading.....Ian Rankin. At least until Henning Mankell writes something new. Amazon failed to deliver John Peel's autobiography so off to the post office to pick up the stray parcel later.

Watching Hotel Bablyon, Primeval, Lewis.

Drinking Merlot and Acai and Blueberry smoothies.

For exercise Dog walking, tap dancing, belly dancing (not all at the same time obviously!)

For supper tonightPheasant normandie with garlic potatoes and broccoli.

Planning..

Do you plan your blog? People who do amaze me, they say things like "Next Friday's post will be really interesting!" - if it's that interesting we'd like to know about it today please.

As you have probably guessed, this blog is a straightforward snap shot of whatever happens to be going on in my brain at the time. No malice aforethought. So sometimes it's sad, I hope sometimes it's funny and quite a lot of the time it's pretty dull. But it's me.

This morning the AB and I were eating breakfast and contemplating bunking off, school and work respectivley. It isn't something that we've ever done, but we like to talk about it and contemplate the possibility that one day we just might. After once again concluding that , me "no we have to go people are relying on us" AB rightly commented "well if you just want to take the safe route all your life that has to be your decision."

She is 10, how scary is my life going to be when she is 12 ?

Modern Marriage..

Actually being in the same county at the same time is one of the challenges of modern married life. I got back from London on Saturday lunchtime, TB left at 6 this morning and is in Cambridge until Thursday. We are far from alone in this I know, ships that pass in the night.

Although you can expect a warm welcome when you do get together, viz;

"What do you want first coffee or sex?"

"Well sex obviously, but put the kettle on first then it'll be boiled ready when we've finished."

Romance not dead yet then?

Nice things

Random nice things that happened to me today;

1. The lady who runs the cafe where I have my lunch asked me to join her book club.

2. The manager of my local branch of Principles immediatley swapped a pair of shoes bought from her which had broken for a new pair. And a £10 voucher to say sorry.

3. The boys in the team have been making me lots of cups of tea!

Oscars! and tv

Dame Helen won - hurrah and didn't she look fabulous!..talk about showing the kids how it's done!

I have taken to watching Lewis on a Sunday evening, it's terribly soothing and given what awaits me on a Monday morning I feel the need to be soothed.

He's no Morse (*sigh*) but it is still fun, and Oxford looks so beautiful. I wonder how much the Malmaison paid for the major product placement in last night's episode though?

Knackered!

There is a reason that the population of London is on average younger than the rest of the country. The reason being that Old Crock's like me can't stand the pace. And I do the city old lady style, with hotels and cabs, not tubes and sleeping on your mates floor.

But last week's general full on nature has left me looking and feeling like a complete wreck - it was as much as I could do to lie on the sofa yesterday afternoon watching videos! Sensible conversation was out of the question.

There must be a way of "London proofing" myself before the next time - which is a month away- but I'm too tired just know to work out what it might be!

WTF!!???

The most surprising people can't read. I travelled a couple of hundred miles to a meeting this morning, with some potential clients, other lawyer potential clients who may want some consultancy.

Or not, because the first question was -

"Can you run our conveyancing team for us?"

Me " er no, because I don't do conveyancing, I'm a litigator, like it says in the profile I sent you."

Them "Oh well in that case we can't use you"

It was over in less than five minutes!

They just wasted four hours of my time and a £55 train fare because they couldn't read. I didn't scream or shout or anything!

On a happier note - I think I've just bought a house!
Yay!

Hotel Badluck

Don't get me wrong I love this hotel, love it won't have a bad word said against it.

That said I'm not having much luck. First of all the shower control stopped working so I couldn't turn the shower off. That was fixed. Then the shower wouldn't drain fast enough and so the whole bathroom flooded. Then reception gave some random guy and electronic key that fitted my door - and I hadn't locked from the inside- so he walked in on me looking scary in my PJ's with mad working late hair. (it's frizzy and it stands on end more and more when I run my hands through it - you remember Crystal Tipps) poor bloke looked petrified!!

Decisions

It's one of those working away nights, so I need to decide whether I ;

- start working now and just write the night off, in the hope that I might get a little bit of shopping in tomorrow afternoon?

- go for a swim and a steam at the gym now, then have some supper and start working later

- kick around the hotel room moping because none of my mates can meet up with me tonight

- spend the night on the phone to anyone and everyone who will talk to me


not looking good is it ?????

*EDIT*
Middle aged overweight women should be banned from the ladies changing room at Market Sports, I have never seen so much fit, twenty something, cellulite free totty in my life. Me struck with envy - good grief yes!
And of course I worked - two programme outlines finished and sent in. Paper to write tomorrow, it would be brilliant to get it finished. So much for living it up - the Law Society Library beckons...

Theatricals

Went to see Dumb Waiter at the Trafalgar Studios earlier this evening - Harold Pinter apparently.

Not one of my best nights at the theatre - weird and metaphysical so obviously I didn't get it!

Lee Evans was fab, dear boy has enormous feet.

Big feet......big shoes.

Jason Isaacs -teeny tiny delicate little thing.

Small World, Big Problem!

aka Small Brain even bigger problem.

When you give a paper at a European Academic conference it is generally as a "rapporteur" ie your paper answers a set of questions common to all the delegates rather than being on a topic of your own chosing.

My specialist area of law is weird in that there are no academics in the UK, no university department teaches it, and us poxy provincial practitioners basically learn it from our peers. To try to address the problem a bit we formed an association some years ago, and joined up with the European association to try and learn a bit more. In continental europe in contrast there are loads of university departments studying this area of law.

So every two years we trot along to the European conference and join in as best we can. And I'm giving a paper. *Long pregnant pause* - sweet forgiving Jesus what the Fuck have I got myself into!!!

For example ;
Q6. Which is in your opinion, the relationship between the new CAP rules and the WTO agreement on agriculture in general?

Not only do I not have an opinion on this point I don't understand it either !!! - and I only have until the 20 April, and then in September I'm going to get to Italy and make a complete prat of myself in front of the combined large legal brains of Europe!

Frobes have you got any of that weed left??????

Shoppin'

Unless you have a daughter aged between 6 and 14 you will have had no need to encounter the horror that is Claire's Accessories. More expensive plastic tat per square foot than any other retail outlet in the known universe and probably beyond.

I am being guilted into a trip to the town centre branch this afternoon because I am working away next week and must therefore compensate the AB by purchasing her body weight in hair bobbles and lip gloss. It's not fair, I don't want to go!

Will go and try diversionary tactics - they won't work, but it will make me feel less like a lamb to the slaughter.

QUIZ

Both Mutley and Gorilla seem to have issues with my earnings. So lets see if their assumptions are right. A little quiz for you chaps;

HOW MUCH DOES LIPPY EARN?

I'm looking for an annual figure before tax.

The following are hints to help you;

1. I get NO "package" with my employment, it's salary only, no car, no pension, no healthcare no nada.

2. The partnership pays me as salary just under 30% of the fees which I earn for them.

3. My current charging rate is £158 per hour. And my fees are based solely on hourly rate X hours worked. there is no added value for difficult cases , no question of taking any share of the winnings (that is completely illegal this is not the US) etc


Prize - Until I can think of something better winner gets a signed photo of the real me!

Evolution

If I look outside my office window there is a nice statute of Charlie Darwin in bronze outside his old school. He then went to my University (Edinburgh) to read medicene- got thrown out and ended up in Cambridge reading Divinity, so the scientific brain of the man was pretty much self taught.

Survival of the fitest - not "fit" in the personal fitness sense of the world, but those organisms most fitted to survive in the environment in which they find them selves living.

The organism most fitted for survival in a law firm is a robot with a filthy sense of humour who can bill ten hours a day without ever being bored, tired or distracted. Who never likes one client more than the others, never looks scruffy or appears in court as if they wished they were anywhere other than here! I fail on all counts - although I'm not sure this is admissible evidence in the evolution debate.

The Devil Wears Jaeger..

and sometimes Principles and M&S at a push.

But at the end of the day I am the boss, the gaffer, she who must be obeyed and I swear to God that if some of the admin staff in this office don't start doing what I tell them, when I tell them to do it there will be quite a lot of blood on the carpet. None of it mine.

Valentine's Day

Do you love it or loathe it dear reader?

I have for years been trying to get the TB to send my Valentine's Day flowers to work. This is so that our receptionist, who hates me, will think I've been up to no good. He won't do it and this year is the last chance - I'd send them myself but that's just sad.

Whoever came up with Valentine's Day was clearly a sadist - it's a minefield if you are in realtionship and an ego destroyer if you're not. And the card is never from the person that you hoped it would be from any way!

Chin up chicks - I love you if no one else does!

Channelling Spike...

You have seen Notting Hill?.......I'm turning into Spike, well insofar as a five foot six, 170lb , three quarters english, one quarter french woman can turn into a six foot two skinny Welshman...I'm turning into Spike. Although I haven't got his taste in underpants.

When did this come clear? Well I've mentioned the sound man at length - but dear Jesus he's pretty, I've never seen a six pack that perfect that close up! And as the taxi took a particularly sharp corner and his thighs were jammed against mine I found myself mouthing "Thank you God!"

It's Monday and It's Raining...

So situation back to normal then. The county having ground to a halt with annual "snow panic". It took me less time to drive home from Hammersmith than it took the TB to collect AB from school! The motor way was closed,the power lines came down, the cable tv packed in ..do try to bear with me, this is what passes for excitement round our way. Having caused chaos the white stuff hung around for less than 24 hours before dissapearing again. But there are still cars, abandoned all over the place. Inviting a spot of freelance looting I'd say.

Well I never did.

So David Cameron smoked drugs at school..........by which they mean DOPE and EVERYONE smoked dope at school. A prefect who is now a High Court Judge taught me how make a roach, and we all bought our stuff from a bloke who is now an emeritus professor of cancer research.

I'm sure the kiddies on the news desk did the same thing too.

It's called hypocrisy children do go and look it up.

You can't make them love you!

We had our first "viewing" of the house today. It's not actually on the market yet but one agent had a couple on his books who were "very keen". WERE being the operative word, they were very keen until they saw it. They didn't like it, don't know why but that was the vibe. The house looks the bollocks, you can't ask anyone to spend the sort of money we are looking for and not have the place looking it's best. It looks great but it is what it is and, as with so much in life, you can't make them like you. It is all down to the chemistry babe, it's either there or it's not, and there was no chemistry.

So, now what, how do we market the place....it would have been a miracle if it had sold on the first view I realised but some enthusiasm would have been a bonus. If only to calm the TB's nerves which are shot already by the whole process.

And Cinders sat by the fire tonight.....no ball for me. It's only 9.30 and I'm headed for my bed with yet another Lemsip. I am sure all of this paracetamol cannot be doing the lining of my stomach any good at all!! Hope everyone else is having a wonderful Valentiney time, without me!

Home!

The cabbie is selling a house in the same part of the country that I'm trying to buy one. So as we drove across London in the pouring rain, through the rush hour traffic, he was showing us pictures of the house on his mobile and ringing the estate agent to give him our details.

Multi-tasking taken to an insane degree I think.


I really enjoy working in London but it's lovely to be home - it will be really great when we live closer so that I can do my work and then come home.

Wasted on me...

I still have the flu so yesterdays posh lunch was pretty much wasted on me.

Disastrously - shooting DVD today, made it through thanks to LOVELY LOVELY boys in the crew who cosseted me and made me lots of tea, and didn't moan when I coughed down the mike and right into their ears. And my spiffy mates who were contributors who were super stars. I think it will be all right -but my nose is red and peeling and I won't look a vision of flawless glamour! (as if)

New sound guy this time - wow what a nice body! Very impressive and he's 41 !! I say again wow - but in my present state of health equally wasted on me.

Lippy's Random Guide to London Restaurants Continued

I got taken to lunch at the Berkley Square Cafe today....and it isn't a cafe, it's a v posh restaurant where they put only half of your soup in the bowl and bring you the rest in a separate little jug!

You know it's VERY expensive because everything comes in VERY small portions - one of the reasons why ladies in Mayfair are so slim perhaps.

V nice soup, very nice mullett (what there was of it) good strong coffee and teeny tiny, but exquisite petit fours.

Don't ask me how much cos I didn't pay!

It's really happening

The House Doctor would be pround - we've de-personalised, de-cluttered and de-junked. The attic is full and the charity shop has enough stock to last it through to the next millenia.

Why do houses just "Silt up" as you live in them? The AB found 2 dozen tellytubbies videos that she hasn't looked at for at least 8 years under her bed!

So the house goes on the market next week, hope they take nice pictures.

Jesus Christ on A Bike!

Well your favourite lawyer may be hitting the press shortly as client has just insructed me to take on a major plc in a battle to the death.

So if I turn up in the News of the World remember to wave.

The Social Scene....or not....

St Nigella of the Range Cooker once said something along the following lines " you can have a career and a family or a family and a social life but you can't have all three at the same time."

And of course she's right. Having tried extensive experiments over the last 10 years since giving birth I can completely confrim this. And it's not just a matter of time - although that is significant - it's more a matter of brain room, or what my techy friends call "band width" by the time the job, the house, the child and the husband are all organised there is no room to think about anyone else.

And a social life that works demands that you care about it. For example ; having failed to go to the prep school ball three years running I was quite upset when the chairwoman of the organising committee started to blank me. TB explained that she was offended by the fact that I clearly didn't give a rat's arse about something that occupied weeks of her time. I didn't go because I didn't want to go, I just hadn't remembered that it was on.

I have mates - mates that I work with, mates I go to dance classes with, but that's different it's not the party, dinner party, ball circuit.

But I do long for a boogie every now and again - so I am gutted that the Valentine's Ball to which me the TB and a bunch of my mates are going is THIS SATURDAY so there is not time to no longer look like a zitty werewolf..(see last post)

Yellow eyes...

I look as if I've been in a fight, not had flu, my eyes are sunken and there are yellow blotches around them as if I've had bruises and they are going. If this is the sign of something worse than flu, then honestly, I don't want to know!!

I suppose on the bright side, my eyes may be blood shot but at least they don't glow in the dark.

Oh yeah and I have a face full of zits, and guess what, filming for the next DVD starts Thursday - bloody brilliant!

Nosey

The perils of being ill;

Weight goes magically back on even when you don't eat anything - hidden calories in Benylin.

Everyone is in a vile mood

You have too much time to think about stuff - viz, gave friend unsought advice along the lines of "I think you are lovely, but about this particular, important, issue you are being an arse!" friend likely to never speak to me again. But I would have been very unhappy if they thought I agreed with what they are doing.

Fever Dreams...

When I dream, I dream sequentially, so that tonight's dream will follow on the narrative of last night's dream. So make it even more confusing, my sister quite often has the same dreams as me. Makes it difficult sometimes to be clear on what happened when I was awake and what only happened in my dreams.


In my dreams I'm always late, arriving at college a year after everyone else and having to catch up, sitting exams in subjects that I haven't studied, advising people on matters I know nothing about. And the domestic arrangements are always fraught - there is no room in the shared flat, I'm in a dodgy flat that comes with the job, the layout is weird and it connects to places that it shouldn't go, I'm arriving as everyone else is moving out.

Yes I know - arrested development!

Feeling Worse

In retrospect staggering into work for 3 days probably wasn't the thing to do. On the other hand, I've done my bills, my desk is clear, and if I do drop dead today it will be with only minimum guilt!


Chilli broth and noodles for lunch if I live that long....

Diet update

Haven't given up or anything, still stuck at 12lbs down - due to cold/ girl stuff and business lunches (which no matter how hard you try are fattening)

Still , I set myself the target of losing 12lbs in January and I've done it. I aim to lose another 9lbs in each of Feb and March would get me to where I want to go!!! - lets see if it's possible.

A tale of country folk.

I really do live in the sticks. Overheard in the pub;

"They say that your urine should be the colour of straw" *takes long slow draw on his pint* "but whether that's wheat straw or barley straw them don't say."

Flu

I feel so ill, my chest hurts, my throat hurts, I'm cold and i can't get warm. It's only ten to seven in the morning and I've already had one of those Vicks Vapo baths and a hot toddy.

I really need to go back to bed - but I've got three meetings today and I can't miss them or something will go horribly wrong.


Somehow (zinc lozenges, vitamin C, beecham's powders, strepsils) I have got to stay on my feet until Friday - then I can collapse for two days at the weekend.

In the movies when a class action kicks off the lawyer is slightly bored, in rude good health and completely up for it.

Guess what? Class action kicked off yesterday - I have flu, a full diary and I don't need this!!!

Life on the move.

Why are huge handbags so popular? Despite threats of dislocaated shoulders?

Evidence:

Contents of huge Lippy bag;

purse, keys, ipod, A to Z, tissues, beecham's powders, make up bag (size of a housebrick on it's own) , cheque book, paperback, business card holder, phone, pens (we'll come back to the stationary fetish later), throat lozenges, sunglasses, bills waiting to be paid, snack tea for the AB.

Buggering Bastards!

I'm a poncy middle class curser. You know my type, lots of words and not much venom, the "shit, bugger, bollocks, fuck, wank, tit!" school of swearing.

I quite like the immediacy of "Fuck!" but if you are not very circumspect it stops being profanity and turns into punctuation.

The kids I used to teach in WA said "Fuckin Oath!" which was not only strong but brought it's own definition along for company. Which I thought was cool. Their other line, for anyone who had been misled or fooled was "Sucked In..and Off!" which I thought was pretty awesome but never dared use in anger myself.

The TB has been heard to refer to an inanimate farmyard object as "fuck struck cunt!" which always sounds pretty scary.

My mother, on the rare occasion that she utters a profanity oscilates between the predictable "Bloody Hell Fire!" and the far more colourful "Hells Bells and Buckets of Blood!".

This could easily turn into a PhD thesis don't you think?

Didn't get a job I've been hankering after for years - may have blown it on an all time basis. Pretty pissed off actually.

Eating Out

Wirelessly and Remotely (the post not the food) Lippy Reccomends:


The Thai Cottage
D'Arblay St
Soho
London w1

Not a posh Thai restaurant - but who cares about plastic table cloths and keeping the cutlery between courses when you get great food and speedy service.
The chicken satay starter was spot on with a good hot satay sauce (hot will become a theme here!)
The rice was fluffy and the waiter suggested two portions between three girlies (good man)
I had chicken stir fry with red curry sauce which was perfect, with crispy veg and lots of spice. Alternate main courses of Jungle Curry and stir fry Squid were also highly praised.
The Singa Beer was ice cold and it all came to less than £50! - and this is the West End!

I do reccomend that you retire to Paul in Old Compton St for your coffee afterwards even if the rather lovely Italian bird behind the counter is a bit surly. And bear in mind that I resisted the cakes so you can too!

Girlfriends

A day in the life:

"Hi Baby, I need to run something by you, I want to change my company name."

"OK, what are you thinking, but babe, I'm just on my way to the station to get the train down to the smoke so reception my not be so good."

"I'm thinking The Style Doctor explains what I do, how I look at your premises. I'm sick of Fingerpaints Ltd everyone thinks I'm a bloody nursery not an interior designer."

" I like it but I can see the confusion. Go with Style Doctor, Style Doctor it is."

"OK then Style Doctor, are you back Friday to look at your website proofs?"

"No sorry - got 4 houses to look at in Suffolk on Sat morning - back Sunday, in court Monday. Oh and I've got your ball tickets."

*phone cuts out*

This people is a short extract from the life of me - and put like that sounds a lot more interesting.

Super PA needed - excellent package ???

I'm doing the cash flows for the new practice and trying to work out if I will need a PA straight away or if I can manage on my own for a bit.

The problem is working out what sort of a package I would have to offer someone to tempt them into what is going to be a very strange job. They would be working just for me, there will be external accounting and IT provision contracted in and I do freelance lecturing in addition to fee earning work which also needs to be supported.

If we weren't relocating I would know exactly what to offer and about three or four people who would want the job. But moving into a whole new area with different pay and fee rates is a different problem all together.

If you know a PA/Legal Sec from the east of England who would tell me the info please let me know. I'm more than happy to provide beer/vodka/chardonnay in return for information.

Working Too Hard

You know you are spending far too much time in the office when (like I just did) you send your husband an email, with six bullet points, setting out the things you are still seething about after last nights plate throwing argument.

And also flag it so you can see whether he has opened it or not.

Hitting the Wall or is it only A Bump in the Road

After losing weight really fast for a couple of weeks the rate of loss this week has slowed to a measily half pound in 5 days - and that's with no change, no cheating and plenty of exercise.

I'm hoping that this is just a stubborn metabolism shift that can't resist my efforts for too long. In other words rather than just losing fairly recent gains I'm now on to the stuff that has been hanging around my arse and my thighs for far too long. I'm also hoping that once it starts to shift it will have the decency to shift at a reasonable rate!

I suspect there is also a bit of a learning curve about what I can and I can't do - so this week a real effort on the "replace half of the coffee intake with green tea" particularly because I'm going to be working away in London at the end of the week. And no doubt my Starbucks habit will try hard to raise it's ugly head. On the other hand, it's a good opportunity to try to walk between all my appointments and go for a swim before work.

This is more of a post to record for my own purposes what's happening and to review what might help than anything else. Apologies if I'm boring for England.

Work Mode

I have a completely undeserved reputation for working hard and being really driven. It is time that the truth was known. Yesterday afternoon I had a script to write for a training video. The working pattern was as follows;

1. Switch on itunes and browse through the 1000 or so tracks on there, decide there is no suitable background music available and mosey over to the itunes store to download a few more. Make new playlist with both new tunes and old tunes and put on to play.

2. Go to blogger, read all the blogs I have links to, and all their links pages and then start to try to compose a new post.

3. Leave post in draft and actually open work document.

4. Before typing anything turn on Skype to see if anyone is about and fancies a chat. If they are have long chat with either best mate in Mumbai, other best mate in Melbourne or baby bro in Mauritius.


5. Repeat step 3 and type introduction.

6. Repeat step 2.

7. Go and make a cup of tea.

8. Repeat steps 1 to 7.

9. Go to amazon to check books reccomendations and make an order.

10. Go to figleaves and buy new undies.

11. Repeat steps 1 to 7.


It has to stop people!!!! I'm going to end up blocking my own work access to blogger and shopping sites and that would be ridiculous! I am hoping that when I have more power to organise my own time , so that if I finish a job I can take the dog for a walk or go to the gym, then the efficiency will improve.


Oh and yeah - I did finish the script - but not until about 10 last night!

The Bitch is Back!

There is nothing that binds cultures together like a bit of good old fashioned snobbery. Have just had the best mate on Skype from Mumbai. Her view on the Big Brother debacle is typically superior , she is the snob to out snob them all and I love her for it.

I quote

"Jade is just unspeakably ignorant and common, and Shilpa Shetty? Well of course she is just a B list Bollywood actress, if she was a real A list Bollywood star she wouldn't have time, to be in the Big Brother house."

It doesn't make for a quiet mind

I have two hearings to attend in London next week, and so far (despite innumerable nagging phone calls from me) neither client has actually sent me any papers???


What is a girl to do?

I mean I can busk it with the best of them but this is actually a bridge too far - in order to riff you at least need some idea of the subject matter.


HELP!

Moving on Up.

Now I have finally resigned from both the partnership and the practice I need to get stuff in motion ready for the freelance business to go live on 1 July.

A lot of it is easy, the insurance guy is coming with the proposal forms today. I need to register as a professional practice and for data protection, buy an accounts programme, a new computer, a few books and Bob's your dog.

My mate Vic is in charge of the marketing - she used to do the marketing for Pepsi and owes me a favour or several. How to describe the Vicster, Lilly Allen's blonde, bigger chested , posh older sister perhaps? She's well ahead of the game with logos and notepaper and all that stuff. Also looking at free editorial in a couple of "country life" style magazines - that's a bit alarming.

I'm thinking about green credentials for the practice and also some sort of charitable donation from every fee. And then the website can have a link page to the effect that - please note that not all lawyers are money grabbing bastards....

Diet Bore

Time for the weekly weigh in and as of this morning - 10lbs down.

Knights in the Early Morning

A guy I used to work for about ten years ago is now a public figure. It's not surprising that he has been so succesful, he's funny, clever, charming, totally driven and incredibly (for someone at his level) not posh. He was an autocratic boss who completely split the firm into those who really liked him and those who really hated him - but I was on the like side and he helped me out a lot at the start of my career.

Even so, he was not someone who I had any sort of a crush on. So having a dream that I was in bed with him, was enough of a shock to wake me up and have me shake the TB awake too;

Lippy "I'm going mental I've just been dreaming that I was in bed with Sir F"

TB "Calm down shut up and listen."

Lippy "don't tell me to calm down and shut up, something really awful has happened to my brain."

TB "no really, shut up and listen"

So I did, and listening heard Radio 4 and there was Sir F being interviewed by the Today programme which had burst into life as our radio alarm about 10 minutes before.

The Meaning of Fear..

The Angel Baby is threatening to begin her own blog called "Stuff My Mum Does"

It will apparently include everything from doing the ironing while watching old Sharpe DVD's to being far too competitive when playing "Brain Age" games with her eight year old cousin. Eating mint sauce sandwiches to refusing to have my photograph taken. So far nothing she has said sounds particularly flattering!

I am hoping that she loses interest .....

My weekend and family disputes

I've traveled to the other side of England and viewed 9 potential new houses in 2 days.

The moral of the tale is do not let the bitter divorced husband show the potential punters around the matrimonial home which MUST be sold in order to facilitate the divorce settlement. Quotes included; "this is the gas cooker SHE said she wanted"
"this is HER stuff in here"...I could not get out of there fast enough!

The barn conversion that I thought I would love I didn't.

And the fixer upper which is on the most wonderful half acre plot, is just too far into deepest Norfolk to be a realistic prospect.

So we will make an offer on the super sensible option (nice kitchen/breakfast room, good office -and the owner works from home already so that I know the broadband internet access works properly) which is close to town but still in the country, close to TB's office and AB's (fingers crossed the entrance exam was Saturday) new school and the by-pass so I can burn down to the station and get to my London clients in under an hour. Which is all cool.

We managed to have big family row in the car about where to go during the Easter holidays. The Toy Boy and the (Less than Angelic on this subject) Baby both want to go to Florida. I don't. I have no objection to them going without me, but I've been to the States and there are other more interesting places to go. To summarise my objections;

1. US Immigration - I have committed no criminal offence so if you think you are taking my finger prints you can fuck off. I've seen now mangled official files can get and my confidence level in your ability to keep this information confidential is less than nil.

2.Guns

3. Just not interesting enough - I've been to New York and it's OK, a bit like Manchester with ruder less trendy inhabitants.

4. I would rather spend my money, carbon footprint going to ; Istanbul, Marakesh, Dehli, Hong Kong, Rome, Sydney, Paris, Lisbon..almost anywhere in fact. Probably not Jo'burg, been there too and I'm not the RSA's biggest fan either.

Theatre

Since I spurned her Sapphic advances my theatrical contact has stopped speaking to me....

And I'd really like to go to see a theatrical performance when I'm working in London in Feb - have a particular yen to see Patrick Stewart as Prospero in the Tempest "make it so Caliban" but unfortunately that doesn't open until the day after I need to come home - boo hiss.

So I need reccomendations people.

Of the current batch I have seen;

The History Boys ******
Wicked *****
Guys & Dolls *****
Chicago ***
The Woman in Black ****
The Lion King *****
We Will Rock You - CRAP unspeakably dreadful


Thinking About

Don Juan in Soho - at the Donmar
Coram Boy


Nothing else grabs me at present but maybe I'm missing something amazing - if you know do tell..

Becoming completely random

It's January, everyone is on a diet and so I thought that I might as well join in. It's been a regime of fruit and yoghurt for breakfast and soup for lunch, no booze, no chocolate and something lightish for supper. I'm having green tea instead of coffee every alternate cup - which as I have an 8-10 cup a day coffee habit (white one sugar) is a start at least.

And so far - lost 6lbs! OK I hear you say, that's the weight you PUT ON over Christmas how about ditching the other 2 stone you are always bitching on about. Alrighty! - and yes this is going to be the hard part, but having seen some result, I'm going to stick with this for 3 months and see what happens. The worst result is nil change and that's better than putting more weight on.

So off to do my yoga CD! And yes I do walk up the stairs to the office, and I went to tap class last night and (just for you Beast) belly dancing starts again on Friday.

Legal question of the day - why was the client who sold his transit van on EBAY surprised when it turned up in Prauge stuffed full of hash?? Moral if you sell a vehicle on Ebay (well first of all don't) send the log book to the DVLA immediatley. Saves a lot of heart ache and long conversations with the Czech police!


In other news our new secretary left because she thought we were horrible and unfriendly - yes the one who was slagging me off to the entire office. She also claimed that our nasty treatment of her clearly stemmed from the fact that the head of team (not me!) had told us all that she was a menopausal lesbian. Poor head of team can't win - not only has he had to explain at length that he didn't tell us, but we're all livid that he didn't!

Water!

The river is in flood - again!

It's now such a common occurence it's quite dull, unless of course you were one of the poor souls who left their car in Frankwell carpark while they went Christmas shopping and came back to find it under 4ft of water. The flood also backs up the drains - and as some of them are medievil - it makes the whole town stink, and some of those smells are of a medievil nature themselves.

Torrential rain is also not the best when you have an office with a 16th century leaded stained glass window - it leaks, obviously. So as well as being cold, I'm damp.

Its very easy to get cabin fever when you live in the country and can't go outdoors. All this fizzing, useless energy which is impossible to channel into anything sensible or productive. I'm looking at holiday websites! It helps a bit.

Funeral Blues

It was my friend S's funeral on Friday. I say friend and maybe that's presumptious of me, she was a client who I hoped would turn into a good friend when the case was over. As it was, there was never the chance.

She was diagnosed with oesophogeal cancer which turned into bone cancer before the case was finished. In the end we didn't get a bad result - but it doesn't matter.

She was lovely, clever, scarily tall and slim (was a model when she was younger) and the best company. A couple of ex husbands and more than a couple of ex lovers were at her funeral, all in tears. The church was packed to the gunnels and the whole of the hotel was taken over for the day for the wake - she would have approved! The weather has been horrible all weekend - cold and wet and dark. Lots of people said that a light had gone out when she went. They were right.

I'm glad that the suffering is over for her but all the same,I miss her.

New Boots and Panties!

All this Januaryness didn't stop me hitting the sales!

I bought a great pair of boots, knee length, cowboy style heels, with buckles up the side, made of distressed brown leather ..yummmy!

Pale blue undies for some reason - reaction to all the black elsewhere?...maybe.

Did you watch the Sarah Jane Adventures? New Dr Who spin off -no, unless you have a 10yr old kid you probably didn't - but if anyone knows where SJ got her handbag from tell me, bloody lovely..........

Worrying

Worrying is not only inevitable, I do it,you do it, everyone does it to a ridiculous extent. It's stupid, for lots of reasons. The most compelling is that it's not the thing you've been up all night worrying about that comes out and kicks your arse, it's something compleltely different which you didn't notice at all because you were too busy worrying!

Do you see?

Anyway that explains why I'm in the office on a wet cold Sunday morning - having been hit at 2am this morning by a cold sweat panic that I'd missed a deadline. On checking the file the deadline is over a week away - but I'm here now so I may as well do the work.

I must tidy this office as well before I leave today, it's not a mess of piles of papers. I'm far too anal for that! It's just a bit dismally uninspiring - with those bits of paper and old files, out of date business cards, DEAD people's business cards (Jesus!) that don't actually mean anything anymore, they just take up space.

I'm taking my pictures down this week too - we're selling the house and need something funky for the hall way so my Chigall poster is headed for the upstairs landing. It will be missed on a cold, wet, Monday morning.

Back to the Slaughterhouse!

Well to be honest I've been back in the office for two days already, I just didn't have the heart to talk about it. The life of a corporate mushroom is not the stuff of which fascinating blogs are made. It's cold, it's dark and everyone is on a diet so there is no point in doing anything other than joining in - particularly as the alternative is sitting in the pub at lunchtime all by myself!

Hopefully this time next year I will be in my own little office, with a computer that works properly, some nice music playing and carefully selected clients - viz, no more boundary disputes ever again !! Scarily I'm still waiting to hear from a few contacts who, whilst not strictly necessary, would make my self-employed life a lot easier, I'm hoping that they are just slow rather than completely uninterested.

I would love to say that it's been a slow week as people are just drifting back to work and getting themselves together but so far (and it's only been two days) I've petitioned for the liquidation of two companies, issued a fraud claim and defended a particularly spruious claim for rent (which is an unlawful eviction in party clothes pretending to be something else)...

I need a new belly dancing teacher- bored with this one. Hmmmm

So that's why.

Today is the answer to "why do we bother with Christmas?"

The answer being - because we need it. In the middle of winter we need an excuse to stop work for a week, get some daylight, be forced to socialise and eat a hot proper dinner.

And having done all that - and walked the dog and dusted off my bike - I feel so much better.

Hope you do too.

Review of the Year/Resolutions

2006 wasn't so bad you know, jumping at professional opportunities was fun - picked up a job from a guy on a train! Did my first lecture to other professionals and got paid for it (that said it wasn't particularly good so I dont think they are going to ask me again) and wrote and presented training DVD's for the first time (they were a lot better I was quite pleased with them).

I sailed for the first time in about 20 years and got my RYA stage 1 certificate back - and then did what everyone does when they come back from a sailing holiday, do nothing about doing any more sailing!

After a storming start my theatre attendance went right down the pan - amounting to A Man for All Seasons and Wicked! - poor show, must do better!!

Finally we did all the things we have talked about doing to this house for the last 5 years so it's been decorated and has new bathrooms - just as we are about to sell it of course!

In 2007 I'm going to set up my own practice, learn to scuba dive and go to Borneo. That'll do I think.

*Haven't forgotten about the David Tenant thing* - but have a date for a major bike ride today and a party tonight so, bit pushed!

Baby sisters.......

It doesn't matter how old you are your little sister will still;

Sit in your kitchen in her pyjamas while you make her tea and toast

Leave your house with a big pile of your CD's under her arm

Wear much smaller jeans than you AND (which is worse) explain in laborious detail how she wears teeny tiny jeans by eating soya yoghurts, linseed and carrot juice.

Take you up on offers to "try out" your new, expensive cleanser and moisturiser.

Eat your chocolate truffles.

Take your child out to do all the fun stuff , bowling, pantomime etc while you like bloody Cinderella are at home ironing and washing up!

.............still think you are bloody marvelous!

*Back Soon*

I'm in a darkened room with a large G&T and a towel wrapped around my head, drafting the post that will be worth the wait. The ILLUSTRATED why David Tenant is foxy.


With examples - and comparators ....and other stuff...you know EVIDENCE!

After effects

I'm not sure what I've done to deserve a face full of spots and a sore back - must have been a good Christmas!

Off for a hot bath full of some quack remedy essential oil and a mug of honey and lemon ..not sure either will achieve anything but I will feel that I've made an effort.

The Dead Days

Call me peverse, but this is my favourite part of Christmas, the Dead Days between Christmas and New Year. The one time in the year when it is perfectly socially acceptable to do nothing except have hot baths, walk the dog and read Christmas books.

No guilt for not going to dance class or yoga because the studio is closed!
No cooking as there is enough food in the fridge to feed an army for a fortnight.
And the office is closed for another week. It is worth all the angst to get to this point.


High spot of Christmas Day - Dr Who! Sorry but any bride who got scooped up by David Tenant in a tardis would jilt thier poor fiance immediatley, even if he wasn't in leauge with a giant spider.

Oh Thank God!

No work for a week and a bit!

Spent the afternoon in the pub, which probably wasn't the best prelude to an evening at the mother-in-law's but to be fair to her, she is very understanding of those who fall asleep on the sofa!

The neices and nephews made me feel incredibly ancient, the ones who were toddlers at my wedding are now at college. And it's a bit weird to be the only "first wife" still in circulation, I think I make the second wives nervous for some reason, too much knowledge perhaps?

There is stuff to do today -but the goose is here, the champagne is in the fridge, I'll cook the ham tomorrow (it can sit in a nice bath of cloves and cider all night and will taste so much better for it in the morning!)..so for now I'm going back to bed with a cup of coffee and a book. I NEVER get to do that!

Solstice

Shortest day ; according to the local white witch (come on it's practically Wales there are loads of them, at least I didn't consult a druid!) we should spend the daylight hours in walking and meditation and the night in feasting and pleasures of the flesh....


Which sounds great, apart from the fact that I am in the office which is the least medatitive place on the planet. However, I shall be donning the ipod shortly and immersing myself in the last of the nasty jobs before the new year - maybe concentration can do double duty as meditation, just this once. I do find meditation a challenge, I am hyper active because the inner me is very dull with no discernable resources.

But of cours, the great advantage of the WINTER solstice is many more hours of darkness than daylight. So by my calculations eating and shagging time out numbers reflection and meditation time by two to one.......hurrah!

Mardy

If I could just work out what to do with this mood ..life would improve a whole lot. Where I come from they call it "mardy" - it's a horrible combination of bad tempered, bored, tired, irritable and frustrated. Wanting to do everything but being able to settle to nothing. Hating everyone and myself most of all! If I was a runner I suppose now would be the time to go out and run until I dropped, at least then I'd feel like I had achieved something.

I am the most hateful, ungrateful brat in the entire world.

And that is nothing to be proud of.

Know what else is dreadful - Christmas cards that you can't work out who they are from? A signature that's indeciferable but a message that is personal and up to date, so they clearly know us and what's going on ...but who the hell is it from????

Rougher than the average Bond...

Well, weeks after everyone else, I finally saw Casino Royale last night.

And what's left to say? Daniel Craig is a remarkably well put together bit of totty. Far more attractive in the Lippy sense of the word than poor old Pierce ever was. I do like a bit of rough.

But the plot didn't bear any examination at all did it? A few good ideas, beautiful treacherous girlfriend, Bond in love,(not withstanding the TB making mock puking noises all through the beach scene - what is he 6???) nasty torture....but who was behind it and why ? The only villan we really knew about got killed early on - Le Chiffre at the end of the day was a middle man. Ah well, at least the villan doubled as extra totty in this one...had a bit of a thing for Mads Mikelson for a while.

Dame Judy though - fabulous, love her always.

Blogger in Beta

You know the worst thing about blogger in beta? It's not the can I/can't I comment on posts debacle, irritating though that is. No it's the loss of the fabulous and infinitley diverting "search all blogs".

Without "Search all blogs" I would never have discovered "The London Review of Breakfasts" a publication which I cannot commend highly enough. I would never have been able to evesdrop on "Legally Blonde" and her mates from law school, whom I will be trying to spot from amongst the applicants next time I have a trainee to appoint. Search all blogs was as dangerous as it was seductive. Who was searching my blog and what did they have in mind? Which begs the question ..whose idea was it to scrap it???

Conspiracy theories to me at this blog.

L xx

Books and more books

I am an un-recovering book-aholic and amazon is my dealer of choice, along with Foyles when in town (although I can't quite get the hang of their on line ordering service!)

Books bought in November 2006:
The Ruby in Her Navel - Barry Unsworth
The Emperors Children - Claire Messud
The Idler - Green Man Edition (is this a book or a magazine?)
The Idler - War on Work Edition
Madhur Jaffrey's New Curry Bible (christmas present from TB)
Claudia Rhoden - Middle Eastern Food (christmas present from the baby)

Books read in November/December 2006
The Idler - Green Man Edition
I particularly loved the article on "Zen Slacking" which makes the following suggstions;

"24 : When you find yourself getting that "trying hard" feeling, take a pause and try less hard. Drop down a gear.

17: Don't ask why the world is mad - it just is"

I was far less enamoured with the interview with Keith Allen in the "War on Work" edition - the man is an unreconstructed nob, and anyone male or female who has anything to do with him has only themselves to blame!

The Emperors Children
A tale of dissapointed wanabe overachievers in literary Manhattan...not one sympathetic character out of the lot of them..buch of pretentious gits.

The Ruby in the Smoke - Philip Pullman

Bought this for the baby, but we ended up reading it together aloud - how fabulous! A book where a girl struggles for social graces is an ace shot and wonderful in business! Also a cracking adventure yarn, Victorian London, opium dens, conspiracy, dark deeds in Wapping! It's wonderful - pretend you have a niece or nephew if necessary and go and buy a copy!

Confessions of a Raving Sexist!

I admit it - I am sexist. Men are decorative, nice to have in your bed or kitchen and OK to talk to...but really they can't ever be expected to achieve in life or be your friend in the same way that a woman can. You think I'm kidding? It's bred into me, my great aunt didn't believe in women's prisions, she said "no woman could have done anything bad enough to warrant being sent to prision and if she did some man obviously drove her to it!"

So when women are horrible to other women I find it unforgiveable. And mothers who didn't want daughters or don't value them in the way they do their sons? "Give those girls to me, and consider yourself banished from the sisterhood with immediate effect!!!"

So, with this background, you can imagine that I'm having grave difficulties with the new secretary who was clearly gutted when she found out that the high earning, scary litigation partner was female....tough break babe. And yesterday I even found it in myself to criticise, in front of the whole of the open plan office naturally. It went like this "if you are going to slag me off in front of the whole office, you might want to make sure that I'm not standing behind you at the time."

Don't take me on sweetheart, you will lose.

December..it's no fun at all!

You know it's December when you have given up on porridge or muesli and are scoffing Roses chocolates and double espresso's for breakfast instead.

It's just a miserable time of year isn't it ? Here the whole town is virtually submerged due to rain in North Wales and weird flood defences. The workload is just stupid as in the season of goodwill everyone has decided to sue their neighbour nay, not just sue them injunct them, why not? It's Christmas after all.


All this ill will, and minor health problems ( to whit, infection in both eye lids, cold and some girl stuff you don't want to hear about) makes me long for home made soup. This is what I have as comfort food, not suggesting you try it , but works for me;
One onion
One potato
One Chorizo sausage
Cup of frozen prawns
Cup of frozen sweetcorn
Mug of milk
Mug of stock
About a tablespoon of unsalted butter

Soften the onion and potato in the butter until the onions are cooked, then add the chorizo cut into pieces and brown off. Then add the stock to the pan and cook until the potatoes are cooked and very soft. Turn the heat very low, add the milk, prawns and sweetcorn and simmer gently until everything is mushy. Add more sweet chilli sauce before you eat it if you like.

Office Politics

If you are going to play office politics you have to really understand the rules of the game.

In particular if you are going for the "lick the bosses arse and step on everyone else on the way up" strategem , you have to move fast and have wear teflon body armour. .

Otherwise the people you are standing on tend to move randomly just to drop you onto your arse and have a laugh at your expense !!

It also helps if you are actually know what you are doing!

10 Great things about being 2 and a half stone overweight!

In the age of the "size 0" celebrity, I think it's important to celebrate what I've got! So for the average sized of us (that's a 16 uk) lets remind ourselves of some of the benefits:

1. Fabulous skin and hardly any wrinkles,

2. A great rack and no silicon implants in sight,

3. Being surprisingly sexy

4. The amazed look on skinny yoga practitioners faces when you can do everything they do and more

5. Tap dancing with your round jolly mates

6. FOOD

7. Having "presence"

8. Not going to bed hungry

9. Not having to wear stupid trendy clothes because they don't fit!

Hurrah! For middle age and wobbly bits!