Holiday Weekend

Well it was a long weekend and we were set to go and do healthy outdoorsy things, cue torrential rain and really strong winds. So we ditched the proposed canoeeing and tandem riding and contented ourselves with a very soggy walk around the Forest of Dean instead. The good thing about wet soggy walks is that you can use them to justify to yourself eating steak and kidney pudding ( yes PUDDING with SUET CRUST) in the pub at lunch time. I have in point of fact eaten loads of crap this weekend and drunk heaps and managed to come home 2lbs lighter - hurrah.

We did manage tp get home, but very very slowly due to huge amounts of water and traffic, only to find the electricity had gone off over the weekend so the burglar alarm was driving the neighbours mental and the freezer had defrosted..there is always payback.

Sister's can of course be guaranteed to ruin any moment. Particularly if they are ( is in this case) the local detox nurse. As we drove over the hills and looked at yet another stunning view, she calmly informed us that; "Ketamine is really big around here, we think they've got a supplier in the ********( name of institution with held for legal reasons) , it reduces you to a vegatitive state you know, why would anyone want to do that?". Although it would be one way to deal with the rain, personally I'll stick to steak and kidney pudding and bottles of red wine.

Yoga ...OMG

And the next commandment is this....you shall not skip yoga class from February until May and expect your hamstrings to be more than 1/2 and inch long!

Ow ow and ow! Did my first yoga class for almost 3 months yesterday, and due to sporadic yoga practice and much horseriding my hamstrings are now a stretch free zone. God have I got some work to do if I don't want to be asking someone else to paint my toe nails sooner rather than later. Crap!

Off to middle sister's for the weekend (the nurse) and she has big plans apparently - including a spot of caneoing on the Wye. Cross your fingers for good weather as she will press on regardless!

Will be lovely to see her though.

Cross-Country

We did great! OK we got around without the horse falling over or me falling off, but we were slow, so slow in fact we might reasonably have been called ponderous. But never mind. Both in one bit and all the fences also in one bit ...hurrah.

And in another bit of horse news I passed the riding element of my NVQ level 1 in horse care this morning so I can ride to the requried standard - also hurrah.

But enough horses. The TB and the AB now want to take up scuba diving so I'm off tonight to find out when the next PADI course is at the pool cross the road. I could fancy it, in fact you know, I could fancy myself as a bit of a female Indiana Jones - bit of horse riding, bit of sailing, bit of scuba diving!! But no snakes...............I really really hate snakes!:)

The Horse

I have a horse on loan..which is a bit like burning five pound notes but more fun, mostly, and a lot more messy ...and smelly....and...oh well anyway.

Last week we won the local Riding Club dressage competition - which had become a bit of a mission after this comment from the AB the day before;

"there is still time to pull out of the dressage competition Mum, I mean, you don't know the test very well and you don't want to look like a muppet!"

Needless to say the large red rosette saying "1st" is now stuck in the MIDDLE of the kitchen notice board.

So tomorrow - I am going to attempt to ride around a cross country course for the fist time in ten years. If there is an illegilble post from an intensive care unit on dodgy hospital wi-fi on Monday you will know that the attempt went horribly wrong. I shall endeavour to fall on my arse and not my head but we shall see!

Amazing Weather

I live in what is , statistically, the driest county in England. But the weather at the moment, even taking that into account, is fabulous.

There hasn't been a cloud in the sky all week. And althuogh the BBC has informed me that the temparature has been a sensible 22C the thermometer in my front porch says 26C in the shade!
And according to the forecast it will stay like this until Friday - fabulous!

No excuse for eating anything but salad and for not taking plenty of healthy exercise.

The business is still going through an unsteady patch - work is coming in. But I got bullied into writing off a bill (I had done nothing wrong) because things had gone badly for the client and they wanted me to "share the pain". They send me a lot of work (all the 5 new jobs in the past two weeks have come from them - potentially around £6k of work) , but the bill was £900 that I can't really afford to give up. So? I gave up. What a complete wimp.

But, to be fair the mortgage and school fees are paid, there is glass in the windows, food in everyone's belly and clothes on thier backs - so in the scheme of the world we are fortunate indeed.

Sit. Report

The not blogging actually didn't mean that I still had no work, had gone bankrupt and slit my wrists.

It did reflect the fact that I got food poisining at a business dinner and felt like I'd been poisoned for a week - also lost 5lbs so it's an ill wind that blows no good.

So yes , I have work, hurrah. And a few people may even pay me shortly, even more hurrah. It would be helpful if they stumped up some cash as I have to pay the VAT man at the end of the month.

The weather is just stunning - so the pre-work dog walking is not the chore that it was in sub-zero biting east winds back in January. I'm contemplating working in the garden. The wi-fi stretches that far, it would mean installing a couple more programmes on the lap top and the lap top is no where near as nice a machine to work on where there are big documents. So I'm thinking about it - lunch and coffee breaks in the garden is pretty good!

We had a very lazy holiday weekend - just enjoying the lifestyle really, go to the market, buy nice food, come home and cook it and eat outside. Go for a walk by the river at the back of the house or go across the road for a swim....what's not to love. Oddly no one is particularly fussed about going away on holiday this year.

Still nothing!

I admit it - I am panicking now. Still nothing!

It's not that one week of no work is an issue, it's the fear that it will turn into lots of weeks of no work. Which I can't afford. Added to which a client is going bankrupt on me. Which means i will lose out to the tune of about £5k. I realise that hearing I've got a financial issue is a lot like hearing that Kate Moss has put on 3lbs, but I don't have £5k to spare in the first year of trading on my own account. And yes I do have some savings but £5k will be missed. Hey ho.

And an admission - it's Tuesday afternoon and I haven't been to the gym yet! - I have been to the stables, for the whole of yesterday morning and this morning and mucking out and riding is good exercise. And the dog has been walked for an hour each day ..and I've done yoga for an hour each day and yes.................I'm making excuses!!!

The Profitable Use of Downtime

OK it's day one of "no work week" and so far, walked the dog for an hour, and done horse stuff for the rest of the morning.



A normal person would do housework or laundry now - but was so panicked at the thought of a work free week that I did all of that yesterday. And I cooked a huge piece of pork for supper last night and so have a request for cold cuts and mash tonight. Hardly time consuming.

I admit it, I am completely freaked by having nothing to do. My littlest sister has suggested "yoga and meditation" and everyone else I know has just laughed.

Oh well, peel the spuds for mash I suppose and then go to the gym !

Hopefully the devil will find some work for these idle hands!

For the first time since I became self employed last July I am facing a "real freelancer week". In other words I have no work. Added to that, everything is up to date, from the filing to the accounts to the archiveing. Even the monthly client newsletter has been written and sent out. I literally have nothing to do.

Hopefully the lull won't last for too long, there is stuff allegedly "in the pipeline" and a couple of ongoing cases where nothing is happening just at the minute. I am finally doing what I should have done last August and signing myself up for every business women's networking lunch and chamber of commerce breakfast in this county and the three neighbouring ones!

It's my own fault I should have hit the marketing pedal a lot harder last summer - back then I was happily engaged in ongoing cases (which have since settled successfully for everyone) or writing for training providers (who have since hit financial worries of their own and stopped employing freelancers).

So - what to do this week. The plan is to go to the gym every day. Ride on as many days as I can scrounge a horse to ride ( so far 3) and do some yoga. The ironing is all done, the house is spotless ... ......I've even baked bread this afternoon.

Help!

Brain wired up wrong!

I was obviously very bored last week, as I got onto a train of thought along the lines of "who would I fancy if I was a bloke or a lesbian?"

Well my male side/lesbian alter ego, clearly goes for forthright women with big gobs. And I clearly am incapable of going for anyone under 35 , because my list went;

Amanda Redman

Catherine Tate Nigella Lawson

Strangley the people my alter ago would go for, don't co-incide with my dream donor for the complete head and body transplant (ie who I would love to look like) who would be Kate Hudson. Well you would wouldn't you? Look like her if you had the chance?

Stuff in the News

Well dears, the weather is still dreadful. It rained, hailed and snowed here yesterday, I wish it would make it's mind up and do one thing well!

But, all the same, much has happened since my last blog entry.

The McCartney divorce and all the hoopla that surrounded it for instance. I didn't really give a monkeys about the McCartney's themselves but some of the surrounding press comment was just .......just..... infuriating! In particular, after Fiona Shakleton's soaking there was an opnion piece in the Times, by a bunch of women wishing they too had soaked their ex-husband's divorce lawyer. Why? Because the female divorce lawyer was apparently "stroking my husband's ego after everything he had put me through." After I had finished screaming "Oh FUCKING GROW UP" at the newspaper, I realised two things;

1. I hadn't been halucinating when I heard my MALE DIVORCE LAWYER colleagues telling their FEMALE clients that "wow, you look really fabulous today" , "how are you , you're looking a little pale, things getting to you?" "That hair cut is wonderful!" - no ego stroking at all going on there then????

2. That the person they really wanted to throw water on was the husband's mistress - but that would have been assault. The lawyer can only laugh and prentend it means nothing.

I do remember why I gave up the laughingly labelled "Family Law" once I was allowed to when I qualified. Despite all appearences that the press would like to give to the contrary, it isn't very lucrative (bit of a girly ghetto, the big fees are in commercial work darling). And also it's very very dull. All splitting up couples say pretty much the same thing about each other, he says "she's never worked a day in her life she isn't getting a penny out of me the lazy cow!" and she says "he made me give up work he's ruined my life".

And truthfully, I got fed up of being a punch bag, and did memorably one day utter the unforgiveable line "well sorry darling, I don't care how much of a shit he/she is I didn't make you fricken marry him so res ipsa, not my fault!"

Spring Break!

My parents are coming to stay for 3 weeks.

The AB is nicking off to France on a school trip for 10 days of this.

The TB is stressed at the mere thought of it so there may be a divorce - alternativley there may be a lot of long walks.

There will almost certainly be a blogging hiatus!

Libel

The thorny topic of libel is once again hovering like a dark cloud over the blogsphere.

What is it? How does it happen? And how likely is it that one day someone will sue you for something that you say in a blog?

What follows is a short introduction to the concept and is in no way intended as a subsitute for proper legal advice from your own lawyer.

Libel is a written statement that is defamatory. The publication of a libelous statement entitles the person who has been libelled to damages without having to prove that they have suffered any actual financial loss as a result of the libel. This is different from slander, or spoken defamation which (other than a few specific cases such as impuing someone's professional reputation or the chastity of a woman) requires a real financial loss to have occured before the right to damages arises.


So what's defamatory? "A statement intended to lower the stading of a person, or persons in the sight of right thinking people."

And which statement amounts to more than "vulgar abuse"

So "Lippy is a fat cow" is not defamatory it is mere vulgar abuse.
"Lippy is a crap lawyer and I wouldn't trust her as far as I could spit" is a libellous statement and actionable.

Let's get a grip on reality here - libel cases are prohibitivley expensive. £85,000 for costs to trial is not a top end quote. It is to put no fine a point on it, a rich man's hobby. And there is no legal aid available for cases to be taken in either libel or slander and frankly quite right too. If that became a bottomless pit of public money for defamation lawyers I'd be first at the front of the queue to protest against it.

Libel damages are ridiculsously high in comparison to personal injury damages for one reason - personal injury cases are heard by a judge alone, and he works from a price list for the damage caused - e.g. broken arm - £2000.

Libel cases are the only remaining civil cases which are heard by a jury - and the jury also sets the level of damages. So they tend to be more "american" than is common in the rest of the UK jurisdiction - think up your own examples of people in the public eye who have been given far too much money for being referred to as a too specific type of twat.

In conclusion - if you slag off your ex in a blog can he sue you for libel. Yes. Is he likely to sue you for libel? Unless he is a bored millionaire with a chip on his shoulder who wants, for reasons of his own to put you in the bankruptcy court - No.

Working Day

My morning walk is normally very beautiful, as you can see, it was lovely this morning just pouring with rain - freezing cold and sideways!

But it is part of the utter luxury of homeworking - that the day goes;

8am - School Run and dog walking.

9am - At desk starting work.

3.30pm - Finish work and go to the Gym

I want toys too!

At my sister's party on Saturday her friend was complaining about her homeworking husband. It seemed most unfair to me but the essence of her complaint seemed to be that he wandered around the house, doing the house work whilst doing mega deals on a blue tooth headset!

He makes money and makes the bed! - how cool is that guy, I mean really! He also cooks.

His wife has clearly twigged that the whole female population would like one of those and has moved him out of London and away into the wilds quick smartish.

What I really want however is a blue tooth headset for the office phone and Outlook for the lap top so that I can work in the garden in the summer as I'm pretty sure the wi-fi hub goes that far. Watch this space for further improvements to this girl's life of Riley.

And woot - I have new clients....

Bless My Cotton Socks I'm in the News

Along with the rest of the free world I'm glued to Ashes to Ashes. I know it's not as good as Life on Mars, but I didn't actually watch life on Mars because I find John Sim hugely irritating - not his fault, just his face.

But back to Ashes, I'm as sure as I can be that I didn't spend 1981 wandering around with one bra strap hanging out. And cowboy boots...........wasn't it pixie boots? I distinctly remember many pairs of suede pixie boots being in evidence. And yes to skinny jeans, but no to the leather jacket -it was all fake fur round our way, but maybe that was because it was Scotland and the coldest winter on record even the toilet froze up that year. But sadly the dodgy eyeshadow is spot on.

In 1981 my very rich flat mate drove one of these babies, a black Golf Gti, which we all thought was the coolest form of transportation known to man.

I've just been to a marvelous party!

Honestly - what an old bag! So full of flu self pity I forgot to tell you about the parentals Golden Wedding Anniversary party.

It was fabulous. We knew it had begun well when mother phoned the night before; "Sorry darling, can't really talk, 15 of us are going out to dinner!"

We had arranged a lunch party for 50 people at a really nice country house hotel that a friend of ours owns in Shropshire. He did a stunning job, because we had chosen a Friday we had the place to ourselves, with lots of champagne and lovely food. The top table comprised the original top table from 50 years ago, only my uncle ( who was Dad's best man) was missing, poor love died four years ago. But his wife was there and one of the bridesmaids had made the trip from Western Australia.

We had an outstanding "house band" for the day - we couldn't have afforded them normally, but because the sax player is our friend's , husband's brother (yes I know it gets complicated) we got West End jazz musicians at mate rate. They played anything anyone wanted without missing a beat - and get special bonus points for the "South Pacific Medley", South Pacific being the film Dad took Mum to on their first date...sweet!

The Speech wot I wrote went OK.

And the handmade chocolate truffles (made by my cousin with the chocolate factory and normally sold at Fortnum and Mason) went down even better.

Everybody seemed to have a blast - the adults could talk all night (and did) and the kids could run around the garden and climb trees with all the cousins they only see from time to time.

And sis and me were quietly chuffed that we'd organised something that went so well.

THANK YOU NOBODY GIRL

Big thank you NG - I now have a room for next week at the Fox. It sounds divine, and I'll let you know how it works out.

Sorry for the very public thanks but I can't get your email to work or read your blog so this is the best I could do.

Ta a million once again for being such a sweetheart

L xx

Fluey Thursday

Still got flu, if it doesn't miraculously dissapear by tomorrow I am going to miss;

1. TB's work's party - they work on shifts all through Christmas so have a late, late do now. And because it's so late and no one is bored of parties it's usually good fun.

2. My sister's party on Sat, she's 40 but because she is a leap year baby, it's only her 10th REAL birthday - so it has to be a BIG deal.

The dog is sulking at me because he hasn't had a walk in two days (he normally gets a couple of miles a morning between school drop off and starting work, it's such a nice start to the day) and the horse is sulking on radar ( and via the AB) because she is being ridden by someone who makes her do as she is told and doesn't give out undeserved polo mints.

And this flu virus is horrible - its as if it finds every weak spot and every sore joint and aching muscle you've ever had in your life, it gets into them and makes them throb all at once. VILE.

The World is Against ME!

Honestly it is, let's review the evidence;

1, I have the flu, proper boiling hot to freezing cold with bone breaking aches flu - even the Doc says it's flu!

2. I still don't have a VAT number 6 months after applying for one - what is the Revenue playing at? Am terrified this will in some way turn out to be MY FAULT and cost money!!

3. The Hoxton has declined to extend my corporate account because I only stay there 2 days/month - bastards! And after I stayed LOADS when they were starting out. Can't even find me a room for next Wednesday night. This feels a lot like one of your mates who you really like turning round and saying "I don't want to be your friend any more" - very playground and five years old and it still stings!

4. Work still slow. Good job at moment - see point 1.